|What to do, what to do........
||[Feb. 13th, 2009|03:07 pm]
|||||Kanye West - Paranoid||]|
So, in regards to the last small entry that I did last Sunday, I have a somewhat major dilemma. My Dilemma is this: I have a friend that might in fact have to move in with me. Into my small, just-cozy-enough-to-fit-me studio apartment. So not only would it me a very small area of space to share, but there would also be NO WALLS...... as in NOWHERE TO HIDE. I mean I love her as a friend, I do, but when she comes and stays with me, I cannot wait for her to leave! We just do not vibe in terms of living conditions (she goes to bed late and wakes up even later, and I am the opposite usually, she cannot cook and has no money, I can cook but have no money, so when I cook it is just for me usually. And she rarely speaks once she is awake, it's like every time she goes to sleep she wakes up jet-lagged. she would literally wake up at 6pm everyday and go to bed at 6am, it kinda makes me sick....), so it just would not work. And I am sure that someone might think, "ok, so then why the hell would you live with her?" and the question is, there might not be another choice.
See, because of a series of unfortunate events (one of them being that her mother and grandmother are cunts), her lesbian booty might be out on the streets. She is in a too expensive school, and they can't seem to find enough money for her. Her mother told her to not come back at the age of 18, and her grandmother has been an asshole since she found out that her granddaughter was gay. There was another incident where the grandmother felt that my friend acted irresponsibly, yet and still, the fact that she would tell her own family member that if she is in fact kicked out of school that she cannot come to stay with her boggle my mind. Can I reiterate the fact that I want to throw these two women into a cage full of hungry lions?? Nevertheless, I cannot and will not in good conscience let one of my friends live in a homeless shelter because of no fault of their own. So in comes the issue.
Basically, unless she can find someone to lend her the money, or find someone else to stay with, then she will be coming back to DC, and she will be staying with me. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.
I am seriously worried. Like the last 2 times that she has come to stay with me, our friendship has been stretched further, and further, and it is getting ready to approach the breaking point. Now we have been friends for about 4 years, and I really don't want something like this to ruin it, but there are 2 things that I know:
1. If it comes down to her staying with me or her staying in a homeless shelter, she will be staying with me.
2. If she stays with me, I will be absolutely miserable until the day that she leaves.
Is it wrong to think of it in terms like this? Should I just be thankful that I have the opportunity ti help out a friend in need? The Angelical side of me seems to think so, but the Devlish, more realistic side of me is saying "The fuck she's coming to stay with me......."
I dunno, I mean, I don't want to make a friend feel unwanted, but at the same time, my personal feelings have to count for something, right? I feel like I am back in leadership class in high school, and I am trying to decipher whether or not this is an ethical dilemma, or moral temptation........
But also, there is something else to it: I am not the only person who the girl is friends with, but I seem to be the only one who doesn't live with someone else. And in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, I am starting to feel like I am being single-bashed. Yes, single bashed. My friend Esteban's bf does not like her, so they are discounted from the running, and since there are 2 of them living in one studio, it would be a stretch as it is. But I can almost be sure that it is because of his dislike, not the size of the apt. All of her other friends are in couples as well, and it just "seems like an imposition" to ask them to open up their private space to someone else. But what about me????? Me, in my small Studio APARTMENT?!
As the possibility of her arrival seems to get greater and greater, my fear of that day more and more real. HELP. What is a friend to do? Assuming that faking my own death isn't an option. Or is it?