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All By Myself.............. - The Guy with the flashlight [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Adam

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All By Myself.............. [May. 1st, 2009|12:15 pm]
Adam
[Current Location |My Office]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |Pink - Family Portrait]

I'm not sure why, but I have realized that I am feeling very lonely, and I want it to stop. Now don't think that this is a post where I am saying that I wish that I had more friends, or where I wish that I had a man in my life, or where I wish that I was more charismatic, etc., because it's not. Now granted, I would like all of those things, but I am not trying to bitch about how I don't have them. What I am more interested in is learning how to fee more complete within myself, more self-satisfied. Not to brag, but I can think of someone who I could go to hang out with and maybe even fuck, but how much does that really do for you? It's not someone who I have sincerely deep feelings for, so why put him or myself through any of that? I would much rather just learn how to be more self sufficient emotionally. I live on my own, and I spend most of my time at work or by myself at home, so it's dumb of me to think that my only good times are when I am out hanging out with my friends. As of late, most of us do our own thing; most either want to stay in their own houses doing nothing or they want to hang out with other people that they know. I mean, I don't assume that I am the only friend that anyone has, so it's no big thing. My issue comes from those times when I want to do something, but because I have no one to do it with, I choose not to do it at all. Does that even make sense?? I remember when I was younger and I would hear people say that they wouldn't go to a restaurant or somewhere else without someone else to go with, I would think that they are crazy. And look at me now! Somewhere between playing with mud in my childhood back yard and mapping out my 401(k) I became one of those people! I am a little angry, a little sad, and very confused. When does it happen?? When do you become dependent on your friends? and clearly I am directing this at those who this applies to, as I would never presume that most people go through this. I mean, I know those people who can do things by themselves, literally do thousands of things in a day and never connect with anyone that they know, and I am not one of them. How do I become one of them? Then again, for as long as I can remember I have always preferred to do things with other people. I have always love the pleasure of a shared experience. I can go to a movie by myself, but it's really fun to talk with someone else who has seen it about our personal thoughts on the movie. It's gonna be harder than I thought.

Maybe the reason why I cannot get myself to go out and do things by myself is because I don't have the choice......... Maybe if I had people who I could go to hang out with, I would do more things by myself. I dunno, all I know is that the space between where I am and Walden Pond is seeming further and further.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sam_tiger_313
2009-05-01 06:38 pm (UTC)
just get up and go somewhere anywhere you may not want to you may think that you are going to be bored but somewhere where there may be alot of people and who knows you may meet someone new i am one of those people that doesnt need to connect so its easy for me but the one rule i have always suck buy is that you can trust and reliae on noone but yourself
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[User Picture]From: rogue_gemini
2009-05-01 08:15 pm (UTC)

Thank You

I don't think that there were ever any truer words spoken. Sometimes you just need to hear the same old thing from a fresh voice. Thanks for being that for me today. :)
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[User Picture]From: sam_tiger_313
2009-05-02 01:37 am (UTC)

Re: Thank You

Your Welcome its my pleasure
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[User Picture]From: slinkyredthing
2009-05-04 04:02 am (UTC)
I know how you feel, but I agree with the other comment. Sometimes you have no other choice then to just suck it up and put yourself out there, all alone. If I hadn't I would probably wouldn't leave my house and have 20 cats or something :)
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[User Picture]From: rogue_gemini
2009-05-04 02:22 pm (UTC)
I know, you're right. I don't even really like cats..haha....so i guess that settles it, I have to actually be willing to brave it myself.
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[User Picture]From: slinkyredthing
2009-05-05 12:52 am (UTC)
Well I made myself go out, but I still have 2 dogs, 2 rabbits and 2 chickens so its not great, but at least its not 20 cats :) and if I lived closer to you I'd hang with you! I miss you!! :)
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